Attention, everyone: Father’s Day is on the 4th of September this year. While your dad might be impossible to shop for, you can give him the best gift of all. Treat your dad to a good chuckle with the cheesiest, most ridiculous dad jokes in the world.
For all the times that your dad has made you smile, why not give him a good laugh? Check out this collection of our favourite dad jokes of all time and share them with all the special dads in your life.
- Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
- A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’
- Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
- I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
- A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
- My dad hurt his wrist and had to go to the hospital where he talked to a doctor.
Dad: When this heals will I be able to play the piano?
Doctor: Yes, You’ll be fine in a few days.
Dad: Perfect, I’ve always wanted to be able to play an instrument.
- Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurised before you even see it
- Daughter: Dad, did you notice that I got a haircut?
Dad: Really, which one?
- I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
- Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant.
Husband: Well, what do we do now?
Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.
Husband: Hmm… I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
- Dad: “Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places.”
Doctor: “Well, don’t go to those places again.”
- A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “I’ll have a Scotch and……a Coke. Thank you.”
“Sure thing,” the bartender says, “but what is with the big pause?”
The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them.”
- Dad: “Did you know that all the people who live around here aren’t allowed to be buried in that cemetery?”
Son: “Really? Why not?”
Dad: “Because they’re not dead yet.”
- I was thinking about moving to Moscow but there is no point Russian into things.
- I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
- What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
- What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles.
- Daughter: “I’ll call you later.”
Dad: “Don’t call me later, call me Dad.”
- How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.
- What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other? Eileen.
Looking for the ultimate swimmer’s getaway? We’ve got you covered! Check out these five jaw-dropping pools from around the globe and get inspired for your next trip.
The Crystal Lagoon: Go big or go home! If you want to see the world’s greatest pool, get to South America. The Crystal Lagoon at San Alfonso del Mar resort in Chile will blow your mind. As the world’s largest outdoor pool, this 66 million gallon oasis is the size of eight Olympic-size swimming pools.
This huge man-made lagoon on the Pacific coast sucks in ocean water and heats it up to a cosy 26ºC. You can paddle, sail or swim around this impressive pool or stroll the imported sand beaches on the “seaside.”
Holiday World: If you are on the other side of the globe, explore Europe’s largest tropical getaway. Just outside of Berlin, you and 6,000 of your closest friends can enjoy sunny days and 26ºC weather every single day of the year at Holiday World.
Featuring a 50,000-plant tropical forest, spas, waterfalls, whirlpools and a hot air balloon, this place is unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Go swimming or white-water rafting then check out one of their 13 different restaurants, bars and lounges. Too tired to go home? Pitch a tent and spend the night!
Sands SkyPark: For the world’s poshest pool, check out the Sands SkyPark Infinity Pool in Singapore. The world’s largest rooftop Infinity Pool looks down on the glittering city-skyline from 57 levels above. Get your heart racing with a bird’s eye view of this gorgeous Asian city then relax under the world’s tallest palm tree. You can swim right to the edge of Sands SkyPark’s infinity pool for an unparalleled view or get out of the water and head over to the Sands Skypark Observation Deck. It’s the perfect place to get a snapshot of your view from the top.
Devil’s Pool: If you’ve got nerves of steel, continue your adventure onwards to the Devil’s Pool on the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe. Perched dangerously close to the edge of the Victoria Falls, you can paddle around in this naturally formed pool while looking out at the view of a lifetime. While it might a bit too close for comfort, it’s totally safe and is truly one of the world’s most amazing spots. Only open during the drier months of the year, when the Zambezi River water levels drop, visit the Devil’s pool from mid August to mid January.
Blue Lagoon: Looking for something a bit more chill? Head over to the Blue Lagoon. One of Iceland’s most popular attractions, this geothermal spa is otherworldly in its beauty. Its warm waters are full of silica and sulfur, which are reportedly great for skin conditions. This mad-made lagoon averages 37–39ºC all year around despite the cold temps just outside. The superheated water is vented from the ground near a lava flow so you never have to worry about icy swims.
As every swimmer knows, not all pools are created equal. Some much-loved pools, known as fast pools, help us fly through the water at top speeds. As soon as you get moving in a fast pool, you can tell that something is different.
Every wonder what makes fast pools unique? Some of the biggest differences between a plain, old pool and a fast pool are turbulence, pool depth, circulation and starting blocks. Small changes in these factors can make a world of difference in your swim times.
Let’s have a quick look at each factor of a fast pool.
Fast Pool Factor: Turbulence
The biggest difference between a standard pool and a fast pool is the level of turbulence. Anyone who has ever fought against waves knows that turbulence can make all the difference in the water. Turbulence can be reduced by separating swimmers with a lane rope that absorbs some of the waves that are often pushed back and forth between competitors.
Turbulence is also reduced by designing the pool so that waves aren’t bouncing off the sides of the pool. Some fast pools are even designed with extra lanes so that no swimmer is working too close to the sides. This makes a major difference in every swimmer’s speed across the pool.
Fast Pool Factor: Pool Depth
While we often pay attention to the sides of the pool, waves in the pool can also come from below! When swimmers move through the water, they send out waves in every direction including downward. Those waves bounce back up at them and make it harder to move through the water. The deeper the pool is, the gentler these waves will be when they come back and hit swimmers. By adding pool depth, swimmers are fighting against less turbulence.
Fast Pool Factor: Circulation
Want to know the most unexpected thing that can make swim competitions unfair? It is the water jets! Unfortunately, most pool have water jets placed randomly around the pool and this means that some swimmers are impacted more than others. While they can give swimmers a boost when they are pushing off from a wall with jets, it can also push them away from wall that they are swimming towards. Swimmers at the far sides of the pool will also find themselves being pushed sideways and slowed down by jets at the side of the pool. By evenly placing jets, the circulation of the pool is well balanced.
Fast Pool Factor: Starting Blocks
Starting blocks in pools around the planet have changed so much lately! The old days of too-high, too-slippery starting blocks are slowly but surely becoming a distinct memory. After being introduced at the Swimming World Cup in 2009, the new track-style of pool starting blocks with a back lip have become all the rage and are seriously affecting swimmers times. After seeing the new starting blocks in full use at the London Summer Olympics, this new style of starting blocks has seriously transformed the swimming game.
So, swimmers, next time you are in a fast pool, take a moment to appreciate all of the intricate planning that went into that amazing pool.
Can’t get out of your activewear? You are not alone! There are a million and one reasons to love activewear. Here are our top ten reasons why it is perfect for every single day of the week, whether you are at the gym or just hanging out.
10: It is built to last. There is so much that can go wrong with girls gear. Between buttons falling off, jeans getting ripped, and shirts fading, it’s serious work to keep our clothes looking good! Active wear however is pretty much fool-proof. Wear it for a few years then toss it when it gets too many holes.
9: It’s high tech. Gym clothes know when you are too cold or overheating and they are made out of just the right high tech gear to deal with it. Who says you have to ditch the built-in AC when you leave the gym?
8: It reminds you to workout. There is nothing like slipping on your favourite Nikes to remind you to get out and start moving your body. Keep motivation at hand 24/7.
7: You look amazing in it. Who doesn’t look great in a pair of yoga pants and a perfectly fitted t-shirt? There’s no need to change if it’s working for you.
6: It is easy to take care of. Forget about special laundry cycles, dry cleaning and all the other hassles that come with getting clothes clean. Toss your activewear in the washer on whatever cycle and you are good to go. Moisture-wicking fabrics also dry ultra fast.
5: It is so soft. Speaking of fabric. There is nothing better than a cosy t-shirt and comfy bottoms. Cotton just feels amazing. And, by the way, if you aren’t rocking a cotton shirt to the gym, pick up one that is at least 60% cotton and you’ll never want to take it off.
4: It is trendy. Why invest in the latest and greatest workout gear if you can’t show it off outside the gym? Rather than tossing them in the hamper when you get home, show them off!
3: It is perfect for travel. Need to throw some stuff into a suitcase and not worry about wrinkles? Have to go through the security at the airport? Grab your activewear! It isn’t going to wrinkle and you don’t have to worry about a belt or metal in your shoes. As a bonus, it’s ultra comfortable on the trip!
2: You are always ready for a workout. We do more when we are more comfortable. Who is going to take the stairs when they are wearing a dress and heels? Are you really going to run across the street if you are wearing impossibly tight skinny jeans? Keep yourself active by making it easy to be active!
1: You don’t have to change clothes. Haven’t you done enough already?! After going to the gym or out for a run, do you really want to pick out a whole new outfit? You already look amazing so why not rock your activewear all day long?
Wondering about the introduction of backstroke wedges for backstroke starts? You’re not alone! Here’s everything you need to know about the change.
These wedges were approved by FINA during a meeting at last year’s new rules committee gathering during the July sessions in Barcelona. The backstroke wedges first hit the scene at the grand prix circuit last summer and are now starting to be used more regularly.
The purpose of the new wedges is to create a standardisation of the starting foot placement for backstroke swimmers. With all of the different types of pools and touch pads out there, there is a lot of inconsistency for backstroke swimmers and this is an attempt to fix it as well as to reduce the number of slips during backstroke starts.
One of the best things about the backstroke wedge is that it’ll give you a grip that has been unheard of in the swimming world until now. As swimmers, we naturally pull up to the balls of our feet then rest most of our weight there during backstroke starts. The backstroke wedge allows you to put your weight onto an angled piece of material to push off, rather than trying to grip your feet onto a flat wall.
We’ve all seen swimmers who get disqualified at the very start of a backstroke event. They pull their bodies up in preparation for the start but then drop down a bit too far before they take off. It can happen to the best of us! In fact, these unfortunate slips have happened even at the highest levels. One of the fastest backstroker swimmers on the planet, Elizabeth Beisel, qualified for the 2014 US National Championships then was immediately taken out of the race when she slipped off the wall. It’s so unfortunate but so common! It has happened to top swimmers around the world at events like the World Championships and even the Olympics. If it can happen to an Olympics swimmer, it can happen to any of us.
The goal of the backstroke wedge is to act like a high heel shoe and force your feet to stay in place so you never have to worry about slipping and being tossed out of the competition. On top of that, the backstroke wedge also creates a more even weight distribution so you aren’t killing your arms if you pull yourself high out of the water.
On top of creating stability, the backstroke wedge will also give a push factor. When you stabilise your body, you are in much greater control. Since you are completely still on a backstroke wedge, you can push off with greater force at the start of a race. With your body exactly where you want it to be, you will always start every swim meet at your best.
This new change is definitely something that we are excited about. Hopefully we will be seeing more backstroke wedges rolled out quickly at pools across the globe!
Is there anything better than the Olympics? You can just feel the hope and energy floating through the air as people pour their hearts and souls into capturing their dreams. While we would all love to make it into the games ourselves, watching it from at home can be a pretty amazing time too!
Can you believe it is already time for the Olympics again? While it seems like we were just celebrating the last summer Olympics in London, we are now ready to direct our attention over to Brazil for the next big event!
In case you missed it, the Rio Olympic Games 2016 begins on Friday, 5 August and ends on Sunday, 21 August. More than 10,500 world class from more than 200 countries will be competing for 306 sets of medals in 28 Olympic sports. This exciting group of competitions will take place in Brazil’s largest city São Paulo, Brazil’s capital Brasília, Belo Horizonte, Salvador and Manaus.
While we are all definitely going to be glued to the TV for the entirety of August, it is the water sports that we’re the most excited about! In the swimming there is going to be a total of 34 swimming events with 17 women’s events and 17 men’s event including two 10-km open-water marathons. In the diving events, we will get to witness some world class acrobatics in the 3m and 10m Platform events, as well as the synchronised diving events.
We also very excited to see the Womens Triathlon Event on Saturday 20th August with three of AMANZI Girls having already qualified.
Even if you can’t watch the entirety of the Olympics, you will most definitely want to mark your calendars for 6 to 13 August to watch 2016’s impressive group of swimmers. We will be watching this year’s big events in the Olympic Aquatics Stadium in Rio de Janeiro. For the open-water marathon, block off your schedule for 15 to 16 August to watch the planet’s top swimmers race through Fort Copacabana.
Only 50 days to go!
Just because you can’t take your phone into the water doesn’t mean that you can’t use your phone to take your swimming to the next level. Check out these five amazing swim apps that will take you where you want to go!
SwimPB: This is a great app for keeping you motivated. Swim PB maintains a historical record of all of your swim times. The app creates lists of your current personal best times for every event. If you are looking for a simple, straightforward app to record all of your times or maintain your swim team’s records, this is exactly what you need.
GoSwim: Go Swim is home to all things swim related. Get free training videos alongside weekly inspirational pics and articles, as well as swimming news from around the world. Go Swim has a great fan wall where you can chat with other swimmers to share tips and tricks or just enjoy a good read. Go Swim’s Twitter feed is home to a current and constant stream of international sporting news.
Swim Coach Plus: This isn’t your grandma’s swim coach! If you are looking to improve your technique, this is the place to go. Whether you are a beginner or on your way to the Olympics, Swim Coach Plus HD is a powerful tool. Its video features basically bring the best coaches in the world to your pool so that you can get exactly the feedback that you need. Record your moves, get feedback, watch the best swimmers in action and master your technique!
Active Goals: This app from the ACTIVE Network is designed for runners, cyclists, swimmers and triathletes. You can log all of your workouts and meet other swimmers from around the globe. Set goals for yourself then track your progress. Active Goals has a gorgeous array of graphs and lists that will keep your motivated.
Meet Mobile: Another great tool from the ACTIVE Network, Meet Mobile will give you all of the swim meet info that you will ever need. No matter how big or small the event, you can get real-time results alongside all of the latest info on your favourite swimmers and upcoming local meets.
Looking for a way to mix up your routine? For an ultra-fun way to burn some calories and get in shape, you have got to try stand-up paddling! It is the perfect way to improve your strength and balance while enjoying the water.
Stand-up padding works just about every single muscle in your body. Because stand-up paddling is all about balance, your leg and core muscles will be working hard to keep you in place. This will help you develop a better sense of balance, which is a major perk in each and every sport. Although you might have a few falls into the water when you first get going, you will develop perfect balance in no time.
It might not seem like it at first glance but stand-up paddle boarding is a full body workout. While your core and legs keep you stable on the board, the muscles of your back, arms and shoulders will be pushing to propel your paddleboard through the water. You can vary the intensity of your workout by going into a wavy ocean or drifting along through calm seas.
Another major perk of stand-up padding is that it is low impact. You can get an amazing workout with basically no wear and tear on the tendons and ligaments of your joints. Your risk of injury while stand-up paddling is very low. In fact, it is a great workout to do if you have already been injured and need a low impact way to workout.
BUT just because it is a low impact sport doesn’t mean that it won’t seriously kick your butt! Stand-up paddling packs a serious punch and will give you amazing cardiovascular benefits while burning tons of calories.
It is very easy to start stand-up paddling. All you need to do is find a place to hire supplies. If you are a totally newbie to the world of board sports, you will want to choose a wide, long, thick board. The more substantial your board is, the more stable it will be when you take it out on the open water. When you become more experienced, you can use progressively smaller boards. As far as paddles go, look for a paddle that is approximately six to ten inches taller than you.
Once you have your equipment, you are ready to go! Most equipment hire places will give you a quick tutorial on how to get the right technique going and that’s all you need. Ultimately, it is all about balancing yourself so you can easily learn stand-up paddling on your own with a bit of practice.
How would you like to have a workout routine designed by Navy SEALs that is cost effective, versatile, portable, durable and easy to get started with? Let me introduce you to TRX! It is the latest fitness craze that is producing real results.
Forget about silly gimmicks. TRX training is based on the latest scientific research on fitness as well as ideas taken from the military, pro sports and academic institutions. It uses your own body weight and gravity to make your workouts intense. By simply adjusting your body, you can increase or decrease the difficulty level. The best news about this is that you can keep the same gear for ages without outgrowing it as your fitness level advances.
You can go for high speed workouts or slow, strength-building moves. It is all up to you! That is why so many top level trainers and athletes are obsessed with TRX. You can build strength with every movement while engaging your core the entire time for a full body workout.
The TRX suspension training system will totally transform your workout. Using gravity and your own body weight, you can perform hundreds of different exercise with a single piece of gear! To up your game even further, go for The Rip Trainer. It will add hundreds more exercises to your routine for high speed striking movements or slow speed strength and stability exercises.
I know it sounds too good to be true and it almost is. But, like so many of the best things in life, it will win you over with its simplicity. While it is flawlessly engineered, it is also incredibly easy to use. You can take it with you anywhere and spend years learning new exercises. There are also plenty of gyms around who have the equipment and offer fun group TRX classes or personal training sessions incorporating TRX training. For those of us who get bored with workouts easily, this is a real game changer. So, what are you waiting for?