Make Dad’s Day this Father’s Day

Attention, everyone: Father’s Day is on the 3rd of September this year. While your dad might be impossible to shop for, you can give him the best gift of all. Treat your dad to a good chuckle with the cheesiest, most ridiculous dad jokes in the world.

For all the times that your dad has made you smile, why not give him a good laugh? Check out this collection of our favourite dad jokes of all time and share them with all the special dads in your life.

  1. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
  1. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’
  1. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
  1. I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
  1. A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’
  1. My dad hurt his wrist and had to go to the hospital where he talked to a doctor.

Dad: When this heals will I be able to play the piano?

Doctor: Yes, You’ll be fine in a few days.

Dad: Perfect, I’ve always wanted to be able to play an instrument.

  1. Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurised before you even see it
  1. Daughter: Dad, did you notice that I got a haircut?

Dad: Really, which one?

  1. I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
  1. Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant.

Husband: Well, what do we do now?

Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.

Husband: Hmm… I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.

  1. Dad: “Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places.”

Doctor: “Well, don’t go to those places again.”

  1. A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “I’ll have a Coke and…… a Water. Thank you.”

“Sure thing,” the bartender says, “but what is with the big pause?”

The panda holds up his hands and says “I was born with them.”

  1. Dad: “Did you know that all the people who live around here aren’t allowed to be buried in that cemetery?”

Son: “Really? Why not?”

Dad: “Because they’re not dead yet.”

  1. I was thinking about moving to Moscow but there is no point Russian into things.
  1. I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
  1. What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
  1. What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles.
  1. Daughter: “I’ll call you later.”
    Dad: “Don’t call me later, call me Dad.”
  1. How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.
  1. What do you call a woman with one leg longer than the other? Eileen.